The Way of Love for the Lord
Chapter 5. Scuffles with devils (October 13, 1980)
Since the first day I went to Mass as a catechumen, a long battle between me and devils began. The devils harassed me tenaciously even during Mass; they suddenly pulled my shoulders or pinched my arms and back mercilessly. They even pressed me down with a powerful force. As I would not move an inch at all however hard they might try to harass me, they took a handful of my hair and pulled backward to the extent that my head snapped back.
Although the Lord didn’t tell me directly, I realized that devils were attacking me whenever I experienced such things because the Lord gave me an interior conviction.
Every time I was in Mass, the devils continued to play tricks on me and harassed me tenaciously. When they hit me or pulled me suddenly, and especially pulled my hair backward, I tried to strike away the invisible devils with my hand and said, “Now I am the Lord’s. However hard you may try to harass me, and whatever you may do to me, I won’t be tricked by you any more.” Then, they prodded me in the side with something so mercilessly and severely that I let out a scream in spite of myself. I prayed, trying to repel those invisible devils with my hand,
“Oh, Lord, what can I do with my own hand? Please defeat these devils afflicting me during Mass with Your powerful Hand. It is not that I dislike being attacked by them, but that I am worried that those present at Mass will get distracted because of me.” Only then did they become silent.
On my way back home after Mass, I told my husband what I had experienced during Mass; when the devils pulled my hair or prodded me in the side, I screamed unknowingly. But when I looked around, being worried that the many people present at the Mass might have been surprised to see me behave strangely, they appeared not to have noticed it, sitting in their chairs silently.
After hearing me, he exclaimed, “Uh, did such things happen to you? I didn’t know that despite my being right beside you.”
What I had experienced during Mass was not a vision or a dream at all, but a clear reality. However, my husband didn’t notice it at all either. I couldn’t help but be surprised. While I was thinking about this incident and how the Lord had intervened personally, I prayed.
“Oh! my Master and Life! Oh, Lord Who is my all! As this unworthy and lowly soul belongs totally to You, I will follow and love You alone, offering up all of my body and heart. Remove completely any bad residue still remaining in me and the scales covering my eyes, and wash them away with Your Precious Blood. Even if the path leading to You is a dangerous, thorny path interwoven with sufferings, what a happy pain it would be for me to plow through it, if it could be even the smallest help for the accomplishment of Your Will! Please grant the prayers of this unworthy sinner who cries out with hope day and night, and let me become an instrument who will manifest Your glory.”
“My beloved daughter! Do not worry or fear but follow Me.”
“My Lord, I am not worried, nor do I fear anything in following You.”
“Yes, I know it well. Your unchanging fervor towards Me always gives Me joy. That is why you are My love.”
“Lord! I am just an unworthy and lowly sinner.”
“Yes, I am living in your heart, since you think of yourself as unworthy and lowly.”
“Even though You are living in me, why is it that the devils are harassing me like that?”
“You will work for Me and that is why they are attacking you to knock you down. As they know well that you, who have been chosen as a helper in My work of salvation, will become an obstacle to their plan to alienate all souls from God, and will take away many souls from them, they will harass you ceaselessly. Ultimately, they will make strenuous efforts by employing all the methods available to separate you from Me. They will even try to kill you but do not fear anything. As My power becomes fully manifested in those who are weak, always remain awake and pray, relying on Me totally.”
“Yes, Lord, I will try to always remain awake and pray. But without Your help I won’t do anything. Help me every moment.”
“Yes, I will be with you every moment and raise you personally.”
“Oh Lord, my Love, my All! As I entrust everything totally to You, use me according to Your Will. Amen”