The Way of Love for the Lord
Chapter 48. "How much harder it must be for you to take care of two women!" (August 13, 1982)
After the couple who owned the house left for the inn, Ursula and I sat in the middle of the room and continued conversing unaware of how much time was passing. I was anxious to find out what had happened since Mr. Paul Lee and I had visited Ursula’s home, and asked her about it. Instead of giving me a direct answer, Ursula complained more about her husband: "Since the time I married him, I have never had any warm feeling toward him let alone any love for him. I have been living like this, simply because I have been hopelessly tied to him." Her words only sounded like self-pitying and self-justification.
She continued, "My husband runs a small company and frequently makes business trips. I wish he would just eat out prior to coming home when he returns very late at night. No matter how late he returns, however, he wants to eat dinner at home without fail.
Who would not find it troublesome to set the table when everybody else is sleeping?" I asked her, "Have you even once set the table gladly and with love?" She answered, "Who in the world would do so gladly, when he comes home so late at night?"She further said that, when her husband came home late, he woke her up, and pushed her to the kitchen. Then, she would just lie down and sleep on the mud floor in the kitchen because she was so tired. After hearing her story, I felt it so regrettable, because I thought the wife should wait for her husband even when he comes home late.
Ursula continued, "Almost every night, my husband came home either five minutes before midnight, when the curfew begins, or a few minutes after 4 a.m, when the curfew ends. In the mean time, he had made several girlfriends and sometimes brought one home and slept, letting her girlfriend lay her head on his left arm. What kind of husband is he and what kind of human being is he?"After hearing enough about the trouble between her and her husband, I asked how their marital relationship was. She answered,
"I cannot even touch him, because he is worse than an animal and is so disgusting. I simply cannot approach him as if nothing happened. When I think of it, I even have difficulty breathing and feel as if my heart stopped beating." I said, "Sister! In my opinion, your husband loves you so much that he brings other women to your home to arouse jealousy in you. Even though it is not a right method, it is certain that he loves you. Please think about it.
When a man wishes to have an extra-marital relationship, he would do so outside the home, concealing it from his wife. Why would he bring a woman home? You not only do not love your husband but do not even try to love him. You cannot have the marital relationship with him, because you already assume that he committed infidelity against you with other women and your heart and body become rigid. Isn’t that true?" She answered, "You are right.
When I imagine what he might have done with other women, it becomes impossible for me to sleep with him." I said, "I can understand your situation, but I think it is necessary that both the husband and the wife make efforts. Sister! I have lived my life after marriage always remembering that I should be a wise mother and a good wife and a lady with refined manners in the daytime and an enchantress at night and always filled with thoughts of how I could make my husband happier.
Because my husband enjoyed alcoholic beverages, I made many different kinds of drinks and also found out what kind of foods he liked and made them. Even when he sometimes turned his eyes to other women, he soon regretted and returned to me saying, ‘My wife is the best!’
Sister, please do not consider what you heard from me only as Julia’s words but the Will of the Lord and follow it, Okay?" Then, Ursula replied, "Okay, go ahead and tell me more." She was opening her heart. I said, "Sister! Practice this in your home after this retreat. Even if your husband comes home near midnight, do not sleep but wait for him. When he comes in, smile and say, ‘Honey! Your coming makes me happy. I also had a good retreat today.’ Help him take off his clothes and wash him with a hot towel saying, ‘Honey! You have made so many good efforts until now to live with this wife who is unworthy. Please forgive my shortcomings.’
Then, massage him and say, ‘Honey! It is hard enough to take care of one woman, but how much harder it must be for you to take care of two women. Tomorrow, let’s go to a herbal medicine clinic to buy some tonics for you.’" I continued explaining to her other ways by which she could have a better relationship with her husband and make him happy. After I finished talking to her, I heard the Lord speaking with a kind voice:
"My beloved daughter! Your love in so fervently wishing your poor neighbors who are in sin to repent and your being so generous in doing favors for them gives Me joy and happiness."
"Oh, my Lord! I, an unworthy and sinful one, only wish to have more devout sentiments and be sanctified. I entrust my heart to You so that it may become a palace where You can reside. Amen."